Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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