Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
