i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
