woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
