when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
