If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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