there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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