he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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