You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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