you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
