So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
