Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
