i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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