Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
