have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
