I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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