dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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