just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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