I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And then my night got REAL pukey
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
