i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
