I hate your face
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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