Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
