I hate your face
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
