i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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