dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
