Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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