I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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