I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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