I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
