When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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