My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
