his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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