So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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