I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
