Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
