i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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