I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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