***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
