I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
