Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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