hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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