On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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