I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
