"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
