capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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