respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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