he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize