I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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