She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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