When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
