and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize