He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
