Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
