The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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