i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
