The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
