Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
