I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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