i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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