Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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