VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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