my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
