I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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