I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you will always have a special place in my vag
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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