I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
The power of my boobs compel you
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
