I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
