How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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