I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
